when things fall apart

i don't know if they are completely broken, but things have fallen apart.
i am on a 'break' from my girlfriend at her request. melany asked, i said ok.
i have no idea what she has been doing in the two weeks it has been.
i only know that i am jealous. i am confused. i am lonely. i am everything not happy.

i am not anger. lets get that straight. i will not deny that there were tensions between us.
but, while i haven't actually spoken to her, we have communicated in a manner that allows us to not fall apart, not lose our train of thought, and ensure that we get everything out in the open. yes, we write, days in between responses, but at least i have gotten what i had to say out there.

her response back was mostly on the side of it being over and over. but, until she definitively says it is over, i maintain hope. have you gotten the feeling that i don't want to be over?
she wanted to know my thoughts on the future and why i never wanted to discuss it. it's hard to discuss the fact that you think she has become negative due to frustrations with school, and that you want to be together for a long time, but can't consider marriage, or permanent union of any sort until you find out if that cheerful bubbly girl will come back after the studying is done.

i have dealt with a lot of stuff. i have been waiting. i have been telling myself that i can deal with it for another 2 years. now, 1 more year, 2 semesters. apparently i wasn't able to calm and patient enough. apparently, the way i tried to be supportive, wasn't supportive enough.

so let's see what happens shall we.